Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
