I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
