I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
