im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
