Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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