Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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