Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i believe in u and ur pee
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
