Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Do vagina's smell?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
