when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
