Having a random hookup so left but love u
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
