Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
