So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
my liver is dry heaving
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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