No stitches, just platelets and will power
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
