Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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