never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
