your parents love me but you hate me
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
