I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
