I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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