So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
