I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
