omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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