Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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