I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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