I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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