i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
