I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
