just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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