I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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