I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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