remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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