mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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