Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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