We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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