You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
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Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
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His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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