you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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