God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
