If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
