i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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