how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
