Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
