She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
