My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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