hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
