I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
