It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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