I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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