if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She told me I should be a condom model.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
