i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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