am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
did i walk over a car last night?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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