we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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