i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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