It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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