Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
