if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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