I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
