OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
