the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
