Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
