Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i think im in europe. pls send help
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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