Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
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She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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