if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
