We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
