She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
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I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Are we still banned from the library?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
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Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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