If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
