So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
