Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I love you. Go after that dick
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
