Christians are straight up FREAKS
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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