I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
