At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
it's like heaven, but drunker
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
