He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
