I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
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I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
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she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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