If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
