he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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