I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
