Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
