She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
