omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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