Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
