Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
